When one or both partners in a relationship are fatigued, it is a bad environment for love. Like a plant, love needs the right environment to flourish. It needs tenderness (an endless supply), understanding, unending appreciation, tranquility and an atmosphere of joy.
But all of these things tend to disappear when both partners are exhausted. With weariness comes edginess. With edginess comes arguments. With arguments come misunderstandings. With misunderstandings come suspicions and fears. Soon, both partners are “working to save the relationship” instead of enjoying it.
A tired person is fearful, and an exhausted couple is more prone to doubt each other.
When people are weary, they are over- sensitive and prone to misunderstand comments made by the other. Both partners, in their hearts, want to forever say, “I love you” but are too weary to say it, or too tired to feel anything when it is said to them.
The joy even goes out of kissing. One person kisses the other, feels no loving response and thinks, “What’s wrong? Doesn’t he (or she) love me anymore? Why can’t I make him (or her) happy?”
A tired person is fearful, and an exhausted couple is more prone to doubt each other. One partner wonders “Will she (or he) always love me as I am?” and the other is thinking the same.
As the fatigue settles in, the joy goes out of being together. You get so tired, you don’t want to be touched and you don’t enjoy touching – much less lovemaking. You can get so on edge that just the turning of the pages of the daily newspaper or the squeaking of a chair can irritate you.
You are so tired you can’t enjoy anymore the little kindnesses you used to do for each other. You get too exhausted to even do them, and when totally exhausted, to even care.
Apathy replaces joy, and life becomes boring. People start wondering if they really are meant for each other. They wonder what happened to the original feelings that got them together.
Fatigue and exhaustion can do all of this and more. It can help destroy a marriage that should have lasted forever. But these things need not be.
Couples can regain their biochemical balance. They can return to the joy they had in the beginning. With energy renewed, they once again give to each other, as they had always intended to do.
How fatigue can ruin a good personal relationship.
Energy & relationships. Some basic principles.
1. People with high energy attract partners with high energy. People with low energy attract other people with low energy. It is personal vitality that attracts and holds the attention of another.
2. For maximum happiness, both partners in a relationship should have similar energy levels. One strongly energized partner cannot make up for one energy-depleted partner. In the long run, a great energy difference between partners will create strains that may pull the relationship apart.
3. People get trapped in bad and abusive relationships because they do not have the energy to get out of them. They do not have sufficient energy to make decisions and act on them.
4. You cannot give joy to another unless you have the energy to give it. You cannot even receive joy from another unless you have the energy to receive it.
5. Exhausted people do not have the energy to give. They need it for themselves.
6. High energy creates sexuality. Low energy destroys it.
7. High energy people usually dominate low energy people. To avoid personal domination by others, maintain and increase your energy levels. Assertiveness comes naturally to those with energy.
8. Energy releases the innate sense of humor, a quality most essential to long term relationships. Those without energy are often so serious as to lack a spontaneous sense of humor.
9. The attraction between two people often declines with time because the energy levels decline. To restore the original excitement and sense of wonder, one must restore the personal energy.
10. However beautiful a relationship, it becomes even more intense as the energy levels of the two people are increased.
from Energy: How it affects your emotions, your level of achievement, and your entire personal well-being. An interview with Dr. Paul Eck by Colin and Loren Chatsworth. Reprinted by permission.
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